This summer has been difficult.
It has been lonely.
It has been one of missed opportunities.
And one of stress.
I don't know if I'm embarrassed by how I feel or just don't want to feel as though I am being judged. I am not writing this as a pity post, but as a way to get out how I've been feeling all summer long and as a way of release.
I am anxious.
And it has been worse than ever within the past few months.
No, I am not clinically diagnosed, but this summer...
After finishing up the school year, I went on vacation with Jason's family. Once we got back, I had the stress of finding a new place for us to move. Once we finally got approved, the stresses of everything that involves moving took place. But that's not the only thing that made me anxious.
I had a hard time leaving the house.
I didn't get together with too many people.
I was scared of other people.
Of going out.
Of talking to people I didn't know.
I get nervous very easily.
My brain is constantly going and it's incredibly hard to turn off.
Living with anxiety is difficult. It makes every day situations ten times harder than those without it.
I don't expect people to understand how it feels.
I don't expect people to get why things are so much more difficult to do "simple" tasks.
I don't understand any of it either.
I might be the only person that is ready to head back to work next week. But I'm ready to fill my day again rather than with the loneliness of summer. I know that this will create a new stress and bring another bit of anxiety with it, but I need to get back in to things again.
I need to be around other people.
I need to do something.
It won't be easy, but it will be something.